


Coffee Break

by Ltleflrt



Series: Hope in the Aftermath [8]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Comfort, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Romantic Friendship, mShenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 17:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ltleflrt/pseuds/Ltleflrt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is feeling down, and Ashley and Kaidan attempt to cheer him up.  Set in ME1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee Break

Kaidan came to an abrupt stop as he came around the corner into the ship’s mess.  His Commander was sitting at the table with one hand wrapped around a cup of coffee, and his head propped on his other hand, elbow braced on the table.  Shepard was staring into the cup, his expression completely blank.  

Ashley had been so close on his heels that she bumped into Kaidan from behind.  “What-?”  She stopped when she looked over his shoulder to see the Commander.  “He doesn’t look so good,” she said quietly. 

He seemed… sad, was the only word Kaidan could really think of.  Something about the slope of Shepard’s shoulders spoke of loss and regret.  

“Maybe we should talk to him?” Ashley said.  “He’s always doing that for us.” 

Shepard did seem to have an inordinate amount of curiosity about his crew’s personal lives.  It was one of the things Kaidan liked about him.  He wasn’t sure how Shepard would react to the crew doing the same towards him, but he was willing to give it a shot.  “Yeah,” he agreed before walking over to take a seat on the opposite side of the table from Shepard. 

Ashley slipped into the chair next to Kaidan.  “You ok, Skipper?” 

Shepard looked up at them from under his eyebrows, but didn’t move.  “I’m good,” he replied woodenly.  His bright blue eyes dropped back down to examine the contents of his mug.  “Just tired.”

Kaidan frowned.  Shepard always seemed to be overflowing with energy.  There had to be something else wrong.  He opened his mouth to speak, but Ashley was leaning over the table to look in the mug.

“Well no wonder,” she said.  “That’s not coffee in that cup, Skipper.  You appear to be drinking warm milk.”

“It’s coffee,” Shepard replied with a dry chuckle. 

Ashley let out a derisive snort.  “It’s mostly cream, isn’t it?”

Shepard sat up and lifted the mug for a sip.  “Just the way I like it,” he replied.  His lips were turned up in a small smile and his shoulders straightened a little more. He leaned back in his chair in a relaxed sprawl.  “Let me guess.  You drink it black?”

Kaidan swallowed.  That secretive smile always made his breath hitch.  He’d seen the Commander laugh, and had even seen him flash a grin a few times.  But something about that small smile always threw Kaidan’s internal organs into a spin. 

“Black, and thick as mud,” Ashley answered with a laugh that was loud and unabashed.  “And so bitter that you don’t need the caffeine to wake you up.  You sit right there, and I’ll make you a cup.”  She hopped up and headed over to the counter to carry out the threat. 

Shepard’s eyes followed her for a moment, his smile fond, but his eyes came back to Kaidan.  “What about you, LT?  How do you take your coffee?” 

He had to clear his throat before he could answer because that small smile was still in place.  “No cream, but plenty of sugar,” he answered.  “You know, for the calories.” 

“Uh huh,” Shepard answered before taking another sip from his mug. 

“Ok,” Kaidan admitted with a shy grin of his own.  “Maybe I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth, too.”  

Shepard chuckled quietly and shook his head, but he didn’t answer.  His eyes dropped back down to the surface of the table, and Kaidan could tell that there was still something on his mind.  Leaning forward, Kaidan caught his attention.  When those bright blue eyes focused on him again, Kaidan almost lost his courage, but Ashley was right.  Maybe the Commander needed someone to talk to. 

“Seriously, Commander,” Kaidan said softly.  “What’s wrong?” 

Shepard sighed and rubbed his face, then ran his fingers up over his buzzed hair.  The smile had faded, and there were shadows in his eyes not caused by the angle of the mess hall lights.  “I was just thinking about Talitha,” he answered in a low gruff voice. 

Kaidan winced at the pain in Shepard’s voice.  He’d been there to see Shepard talk that poor girl down, convincing her to take the sedative.  He’d heard every word of their conversation.  At the time, he’d been more focused on Talitha, especially when her gun was pointed in Shepard’s direction.  But looking back on it, he could only marvel at how gentle and calm Shepard had been during the whole ordeal.  “Yeah,” he replied.  “Poor kid.  I can’t even imagine what she must have gone through.” 

“Me either,” Shepard answered.  “And that really bothers me.” 

“What?  Why?” 

“It could have been me.  Probably should have been me.” 

Kaidan stared at Shepard, trying to understand.  “But it wasn’t you.  You managed to escape.” 

Shepard set his mug on the table and leaned forward, bracing himself on folded arms.  “Only because I was so badly injured they thought I was dead, or close enough to it that they didn’t want to bother with me,” he said softly.  He looked up and Kaidan felt pinned by his gaze.  Anguish and guilt warred with each other in Shepard’s expression.  “It doesn’t seem fair that I survived and got away, and yet so many others…” 

When he trailed off, Kaidan finally got an idea of what was bothering Shepard.  Survivors guilt, and a pretty heavy dose of it from the look of things.  Now that he thought of it, the idea wasn’t even that surprising.  He survived the raid on Mindoir, and the attack on Akuze.  Both times, he lost everyone around him and yet here he was, drinking coffee flavored cream while other people were dead or suffering.  Fates he probably should have shared with them. 

Kaidan leaned forward and put a hand on Shepard’s arm.  “Hey,” he said low, and serious.  “You survived.  You got out.  You were lucky.” 

Shepard snorted, but didn’t pull away from Kaidan’s touch.  His eyes skittered away, not staying on any one target for very long. 

“Life is what it is,” Kaidan continued.  He squeezed the hard muscle under his hand.  Blue eyes came back to meet his.  “And there are people who are glad to have you around.”   _Very glad_ , a dark voice whispered in the back of his mind.  He quickly pushed the inappropriate thought away. 

“Alright boys, here’s some  _real_  coffee.” 

Kaidan pulled away from Shepard and sat back in his chair as Ashley brought them steaming mugs.  She didn’t appear to notice the way Shepard was staring at Kaidan, or the blush that rose up in Kaidan’s cheeks because of the intense scrutiny.  Ashley sat back down next to him and gave them an expectant look.  

Using the coffee as an excuse to break eye-contact with Shepard, Kaidan grabbed his mug and carefully took a sip.  “Yuuuuck,” he said as his eyes started to water.  “This is not coffee, Chief.” 

Ashley’s eyes lit up with amusement, and she turned her expectant look on Shepard.  He gave her a wary look then very slowly picked up the mug she’d brought him.  “I’m not sure I want to try it,” he admitted as he stared down at the black liquid inside it. 

“It’ll put hair on your chest,” Ashley quipped. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got plenty already,” he answered.  

Kaidan chuckled and took another sip of the horrible brew.  “Ah, come on Commander.  The least you could do is try it,” he said. 

“If you could see the look on your face right now, you’d be terrified to try it,” Shepard answered with a small quirk of his lips.  

And somehow that small secret smile seemed a little more intimate than usual.  Kaidan blinked, but Shepard’s expression didn’t change.  

Until he looked back down at the coffee.  With a put upon sigh, he finally lifted the mug to his lips.  His face twisted in distaste and he set the coffee down and pushed it away.  “Alenko is right.  That is  _not_  coffee.” 

Ashley rolled her eyes and pulled the mug across the table.  “Wuss,” she said before taking a gulp and smiling at them both when they looked on in horror.  

Shepard burst into laughter and shook his head.  “You’ve got me there, Chief,” he said.  He grabbed his mug, and Kaidan’s and got up to take them into the kitchen.  

“What did you two talk about?” Ashley whispered.  “Is he ok?” 

Kaidan smiled as he watched Shepard start to pour sugar into one of the mugs.  “Yeah, I think he is,” he answered. 

Shepard brought the coffee back and slid one across the table to Kaidan once he’d sat down.  “How’s that?” he asked as he leaned back in his chair and sipped from his own mug. 

He had a feeling it would be just right.  If only because Shepard had made it for him.  But when Kaidan took a sip, he realized it  _was_  just right.  No cream, lots of sugar.  Exactly the amount he would have used if he’d made it himself.  “It’s perfect, Commander,” he answered.  

The secret smile came back, and Kaidan felt his heart lurch.  As Ashley pulled Shepard into conversation, Kaidan just listened quietly.  Shepard was definitely in a better mood.  Mission accomplished. 

Kaidan eventually joined in on the conversation, laughing along with them.  He ignored the way his heart beat faster every time Shepard smiled, and tried to pretend he wasn’t internally cursing Alliance regulations every time he took a sip of his coffee.


End file.
